So after a lot of frustration and lack of creative ideas I realized that I need to reboot. Working in front of a computer -editing video- day and night has led to a type of burnout. And that usually leads to a life question of “What am I doing with my life” followed by “Where is the joy in my life?” followed by “Where is my social life?” followed by “I want more out of life.” to “I just want to be happy.”
To be happy. When I say that, I feel a little naive. And simple minded. I suspect that happiness takes a lot work. Is it too big of a desire? Maybe I should scale it down to “I want to feel Ok with my life.” Growing up in my family – to be happy meant you were stupid. Not very ambitious. A horrible judgement for sure I know now. But I took great care to make sure I never felt happy. All you have to do really, is think that life is a struggle and feel tormented by that fact. I was my father’s daughter and my father message to us was happy people aren’t smart.
Does being happy mean I have to give up a creative life? Of dreaming of working for myself? Can I be ambitious and happy? Most of all what does it mean for me to be happy? It’s different for everyone. I guess that is why there are so many books written about finding happiness.
I’m going to take some steps. Not towards happiness, but to identify what things could bring it. Realistic things. Attainable things. Nothing superficial.
1. Exploration of what makes me smile
2.Research on people that inspire me
3. Trips to museums
4. Movies – Foreign
So this is the beginning or my reboot. Will I come back refurbished? Brand new? I guess we’ll see.