Archives For Lets Be Better
I can’t sleep and instead of hiding my thoughts in my journal I want to put them down here so I have to see them.
I want tomorrow to be here now. In a way I feel like a little kid that is looking forward to something at school the next day. But nothing is happening tomorrow for me to feel excited about. Except maybe a chance to take some control of the disarray I’m feeling in my life. I want to fix it now.
My impatience has wrapped itself around so many parts of my life. I’m looking for work in video production (which is where I had been working before) with not a lot of luck so far. I’ve been freelancing the last 3 years so I’ve been out of the “workforce.” This was by choice. I’ve accrued a little debt after being debt free for so long and I need to take care of that. I need some stability in my life. But I want it now. I’ve only just started my job search in the last 2 weeks so what am I thinking? Magic that’s what I want. And I want it now.
I’ve been meditating daily and I sit up to 25 minutes. I honestly think 15 of it is trying to settle my brain so I can attempt to wash my thoughts clean. I don’t know if I’m feeling any effects from the meditation – I want to feel something now. I finally did 3 good fast walks this week instead of inconsistent exercise. I want my scale to show the clean eating & exercising I’ve been doing – now.
Wanting everything NOW doesn’t make it happen. It probably in fact pushes it away. I see my impatience as almost a form of self sabotage. And it hurts. It makes my stomach tighten and my thoughts go in circles. Why am I writing this? I don’t know. Maybe I won’t even publish this post. Maybe this is me trying to “out” myself in some way. Once you see something you say something. Exposing that which can be destructive. Because then you have a chance to do things another way. Even if I don’t know the way right now.
I wrote this post a month ago and “forgot” to post.
Hello there my friends. What a weekend this was in Las Vegas at the Arbonne GTC 2017! I’ve been an Arbonne Consultant for almost a year now – although I’ve been a very inconsistent one. But I wasn’t ready to quit and not going to GTC would be quitting.
There was a lot of learning and processing of information going on. Events like these can shine a light on things that are limiting your life. For me it’s my constant over thinking of things. Letting fear make decisions for me. Just something little like that. John O’Leary who wrote “On Fire” spoke at this event. He is an incredible speaker with an incredible story. I won’t go into it here – just look it up and read the book. He makes you look at yourself up close in a massive way – at least for me. My take-away – “I don’t want to leave this world without one bit of potential left in me”.
I don’t want to start this post by apologizing for being MIA but obviously I do. But really who am I apologizing to? Myself – that is the only one it affects right now. I’ve spent hours analyzing why I do what I do/don’t. But I was thinking today – I don’t want to be on my death bed (the cliche example) and say I wish I have worked harder at things. I can say that I know I don’t work hard enough at the things I say I want. Specially standup right now is my main focus. I need to write everyday even if it’s 30 minutes and I need to practice what I plan to do at a mic. I go up a lot with the idea and hope I’ll find my way. “And how is that working for you?” you ask. Not great – I can do a lot better. Prepare and produce. Not hold back. And if nothing else just move on to the next task. I spend way too much time analyzing and that can be a avoidance too of taking action. Understanding my behavior is all well and good. But do something with the answers or don’t bother analyzing.
A lot of you may know about Kid President but if you don’t – you’re going to fall in love with him. Robby Novak is Kid President. He is an amazing bundle of energy, love and inspiration. Robby suffers from “brittle bone disease” so his bones break easily. I can’t imagine living with that as a child. But that is just what makes him all that more inspiring. Here’s the first video I saw that introduced me to Kid President. Pretty Awesome!
Ok I realize that I set myself up for defeat when I made the promise in my last post. “I’ll post once a week.” While that isn’t or need not be that difficult – I didn’t do it.
What I know about myself is when I make a declaration like that – one intended to kick my butt – it never does. Am I an optimistic and think that it will help me take action. “Think” is the key word because there is no action in the word “think.”. I’m a big thinker but a slow learner. Self Sabotage is what the professionals would call it. It’s easy for me to do. Because I don’t have to change any of my behavior.
I’ve been taking a workshop series called The Manifest Method with Savor the Success. Now into the 7th week I was already behind in choosing my “90 Day Vision.” At first my 90 Day project was that I would complete one funny video for Instagram a week. WTF! Seriously I said that? Now that would be a definite downward drive to defeat. With me driving.
I have to take a different approach or why bother to take the workshop? My 90 Day Vision is to gather all my comedy and create different sets and have them in a Google doc. Rework whatever I can and have them ready to go. I’m going to give room for this project to grow. It’s always a work in progress.
P.S. I’m still behind in the workshop but I will work through it.
I just looked at the last time I posted and I’m deeply embarrassed. Not that I have anyone really reading this yet but just for myself and what I would like to expect out of myself. The feeling is similar to when you are going out to dinner with a friend and they say “you don’t have to dress up” but yet you want to for you. Not for anyone else. You just want to feel good about yourself and your presentation to the world. I guess that is how I feel about not keeping the blog up. I’m not going to make excuses. I actually thought I had blogged at least once during the summer. But alas no. So let me renew my vows with myself. And pledge a once a week posting. Can I hear an AMEN!