Archives For The Way I See It

I See Something

June 12, 2017 — Leave a comment

I can’t sleep and instead of hiding my thoughts in my journal I want to put them down here so I have to see them.

I want tomorrow to be here now.  In a way I feel like a little kid that is looking forward to something at school the next day.  But nothing is happening tomorrow for me to feel excited about.   Except maybe a chance to take some control of the disarray I’m feeling in my life.  I want to fix it now.

My impatience has wrapped itself around so many parts of my life.  I’m looking for work in video production (which is where I had been working before) with not a lot of luck so far.  I’ve been freelancing the last 3 years so I’ve been out of the “workforce.”   This was by choice.   I’ve accrued a little debt after being debt free for so long and I need to take care of that.  I need some stability in my life.  But I want it now.  I’ve only just started my job search in the last 2 weeks so what am I thinking?  Magic that’s what I want.  And I want it now.

I’ve been meditating daily and I sit up to 25 minutes.  I honestly think 15 of it is trying to settle my brain so I can attempt to wash my thoughts clean.  I don’t know if I’m feeling any effects from the meditation – I want to feel something now.  I finally did 3 good fast walks this week instead of inconsistent exercise.  I want my scale to show the clean eating & exercising I’ve been doing – now.

Wanting everything NOW doesn’t make it happen.  It probably in fact pushes it away.  I see my impatience as almost a form of self sabotage.  And it hurts.  It makes my stomach tighten and my thoughts go in circles.   Why am I writing this?  I don’t know.  Maybe I won’t even publish this post.  Maybe this is me trying to “out” myself in some way.   Once you see something you say something.  Exposing that which can be destructive. Because then you have a chance to do things another way.  Even if I don’t know the way right now.

Self Sabotage?

October 29, 2014 — Leave a comment

Ok I realize that I set myself up for defeat when I made the promise in my last post. “I’ll post once a week.” While that isn’t or need not be that difficult – I didn’t do it.

What I know about myself is when I make a declaration like that – one intended to kick my butt – it never does.  Am I an optimistic and think that it will help me take action.  “Think” is the key word because there is no action in the word “think.”.  I’m a big thinker but a slow learner.   Self Sabotage is what the professionals would call it.   It’s easy for me to do.  Because I don’t have to change any of my behavior.

I’ve been taking a workshop series called The Manifest Method with Savor the Success.  Now into the 7th week I was already behind in choosing my “90 Day Vision.”   At first my 90 Day project was that I would complete one funny video for Instagram a week. WTF! Seriously I said that?  Now that would be a definite downward drive to defeat.  With me driving.

I have to take a different approach or why bother to take the workshop?  My 90 Day Vision is to gather all my comedy and create different sets and have them in a Google doc.  Rework whatever I can and have them ready to go.  I’m going to give room for this project to grow.  It’s always a work in progress.

P.S.  I’m still behind in the workshop but I will work through it.

My father always said “Nothing leaves this house.”  We were the originators of the Vegas “Whatever..” commercial slogan.   For my family it was  “Whatever happens at 175 Canterbury St., – stays at 175 Canterbury St.   So to this day I’m still amazed at how people can talk about their life so publicly in the subway.

Any special subway loud talker stories that you’d like to share?  Or whisper?

When getting laid off from Martha Stewart – there are some things I don’t need to hear.

Any gems you’d like to share about your laid off experience?

A Judith Moment – how do you deal with a new haircut after you wash it for the first time??   That’s my question.

Any suggestions?

bad body talk

As someone who had wished to be a blonde for the obvious and cliché reasons – when I saw this link “Twas a Rough Week For Blondes” I though ohhhh – maybe blondes don’t always have more fun.  As I started to look at these images and read the editorials I was disgusted with myself for taking the bait.   Every caption was a critique on how these women looked.  Yuck!  For some reason I thought there might be a funny story – sue me I’m a comic.  I don’t usually go down these rabbit holes but my “why couldn’t I have been blonde” demon got the better of me.   But I didn’t get any pleasure from seeing these blondes – holding the title of “Worst” as labeled by Dana Oliver.

At my age I still take pride in being idealistic but is it Idealistic to wish that women weren’t always the targets for critics as the media makes a buck.  Women have enough issues – none of us or at least very very few are happy with how we look.  Golly gee how did that happen? This is nothing new I know but I don’t think it can be highlighted enough.  I understand for a site to live you need content that gets “clicks” “the eyeballs.”  Is it supposed to be more palatable by the fact that another woman was critiquing another woman? Which for me it is just depressing.   Here are just a couple of the captions.

WORST: Gwyneth Paltrow

Ouch! Gwyneth looks like she has a really bad sunburn. The white highlighter swiped onto her brow bone and her cornstarch yellow hair only magnifies the problem.

WORST: Ashley Roberts

The former Pussycat Dolls’ singer looks like she could use some sleep and it’s all because of this unflattering reddish-brown eyeshadow that looks garish against her skin tone and hair coloring.

I know I have criticized women – “what was the top all about,” “that skirt is a finger away from showing her crotch!”  But eventually I catch myself and think  – do I want people to do this to me?  Do I feel that much better about myself because I dissed that woman I don’t even know?   “Then don’t click on this shit Judith!”  I don’t want to be a part of this public shaming.  I am aware enough to realized that my criticizing the article and writer could be seen just more of the same.  She’s a woman – shouldn’t I want her to succeed in her writing career.  Yes but not by the sacrifice of other women.   Enough money and fame has been sucked from that already.  My opinion isn’t about how she looks.  It’s the subject matter.   I keep saying to myself – this is happening all the time so I need to look past it.  But I couldn’t this time. I see how it affects my 8 nieces.  I know how it affected me.